Someone else needs to make my decisions, because clearly I make poor choices...

OK, so back in April I was suckered into buying a timeshare-like thing. The deal is you get a certain number of points every other year and you can use them anywhere Hilton has hotels or resorts. At the time, it sounded like a pretty sweet deal! And I kept thinking about all the awesome trips I could take with my friends and it was just soooo appealing and tempting... and the sales people saw what a huge, gullible target I was and, well, here I am now.

However, now that I have it and want to start planning trips, everyone I've talked to about going on a trip can't go! They're all either broke or can't get the time off or are having babies or whatever. Not that I'm not happy for those folks having babies and everything, because I'm waaaay excited for them, but it definitely puts a damper on my travel plans. I probably just need to be a little more patient, but the more I wait and the more I think about it, the more I think I made a mistake in signing up for this thing.

Now, it's technically real estate, so I can sell it back or sell it to someone else, so I guess, when you look at it that way, I can still get out of it. It's not like I signed away my life. But it keeps me up at night thinking about the number of large, financially stupid decisions I've made over the last year... the car, this time-share thing...

*sigh*

I may need to sacrifice on a few ammenities in order to make up for my decisions... you know, like food.

People watching or peeping tom...

OK, so this may be a tad creepy (or maybe not), but I really like to get a glimpse of the lives of people through their windows at night. Now, I'm not sneaking through yards and hiding in bushes to spy on folks - that's called stalking - I just like to see what people are doing as I walk by. It's fascinating to hear what TV show or movie someone is watching, or to see a family sitting around the dinner table.

And, besides, I live in a BEAUTIFUL neighborhood. I tend to stare at the houses I walk by. Many of the houses are some of the oldest and well kept homes in W2. Each house is different with elaborate castle-like towers, Roman pillars on the front porch, and well groomed lawns and gardens and fountains. Some of the yards are like whistful sanctuaries that make you want to just run around in slow motion while cherry blossoms fall around you.




This one's on my route...

   

This house is in Astoria, but you get the tower effect.



 And I swear Bandit intentionally chooses those yards to do his business - if I was a dog, I would too!



emotional rollercoasters suck...

Maybe it's my crazy travel schedule the last few months, or it's something more physical, but I've been feeling off lately.  I fall into these funks sometimes. Usually it's because I'm just exhausted from life and decide to hermitize and crawl into my unsocial bubble for a few weeks, but this one is a little different... I WANT to be social, but I feel like I'm over analyzing my relationships and taking things too personally, feeling that my relationships are slipping. I've noticed I'm pretty needy at times too. That probably comes from my over analyzing nature, but I end up feeling like I'm not included in things anymore, which just perpetuates my need for reassurance and invitations to just hang out. Which then turns into guilt, which then just perpetuates the whole cycle...

I don't know. It's hard to explain. Thankfully I was able to talk to a good friend about it yesterday and that helped. But when I fall into these funks I wonder if this is the beginning of the end... See, my mom is bipolar and it usually runs in families. So there's a chance that I will develop bipolarism someday... and turn into my mom. And that scares the SHIT out of me. So when I fall into these funks, I fear they're just a glimpse of what might be...

Now, I'm pretty sure my funk is just a funk. Everybody has bad days, weeks, months... it's just part of life. And I'm not saying that I've been down for 3 months solid. It comes and goes. But I do notice that certain people in my life make it worse than others. I almost resent those people for not reaching out to me or noticing that we don't hang out or talk as much as we used to (there's that over analysis again...). I know it's irrational, and I shouldn't be so affected by it, but that's how I feel. Maybe it's time I distance myself from those people and focus on the relationships that make me feel like the WANT to spend time with me.

I also think this has at least something to do with my need to feel wanted. Now, I'm usually pretty good with being single. I'm not one of those girls that needs to be in a relationship to feel complete or whatever - I like the freedom. But living in WW is not by any means easy on the love life, and I wonder sometimes whether I will ever find the right guy. I mean, the ex-bf kind of broke me. It took me so long to figure out what I wanted and needed, that I feel like maybe I never knew what I wanted to begin with, and maybe still don't. My friends continue to reassure me that I'm young and have plenty of time, but I feel like the longer I'm in WW, the less time I have...

Anyway, that's what's been going on lately. I've thought a lot about apologizing to those friends that have seen the brunt of my funk (those friends that bring it out the most). It's not their fault and they don't deserve to be blamed for my issues.

Feel free to comment and tell me I'm crazy. ;-)

slr

Two in one day!!!

How can this be?!?!

Because I had to share this:

Move

Enjoy.

slr

Well hello there!!!

Yeah, OK, so I haven't posted in like 3 months... I could say I was busy, or had nothing of interest to post about, or both, but really I'm just lazy, or exhaused is more like it. I really have been busy the last few months. I don't think I've been home for more than a 2 week stretch since April. Work trips, personal trips... It's just been NUTS!!

My calendar since April:

12-18 April - Orlando, FL - Work conference

26-28 April - Hunstville, AL - Work meeting

17-22 May - Portland/Corvallis, OR - Work/visit my bestie

26-31 May - Seattle, WA - Home!!

10-12 June - Seattle, WA - Bachelorette Party

30 June-5 July - Portland/Corvallis/Bend, OR - Wedding/visit friends

11-15 July - Denver, CO - Work meeting

28 July-2 Aug - Portland/Sweet Home, OR - Oregon Jamboree Country Concert Festival

SEE?!? I am exhausted!! And it doesn't end! I'm headed to Leavenworth for a work retreat 16-18 August, then it's the "It's not WTEW (White Trash Extravaganza Weekend), but it kind of is" weekend in Yakima 19-21 August. And I still have plans to hit up Las Vegas, LA, and Hawaii sometime this fall/winter. There's even talk of a trip to Italy, but I'm not sure that one's gonna happen right away...

The house has suffered considerably in my absence. My roommie has pretty much been MIA since school got out (which I don't blame her one bit), but I thought we agreed that she would take care of the yard since I do NOT do yard work. I mow the lawn when it needs done, and even then I'll let it go for 3 weeks or more hoping maybe it'll just cut itself. That never happens... And I STILL can't figure out how to work her weed wacker, so I just don't even bother with that. But this weekend I have to do some upkeep (Weed and Feed the lawn, spray down the cobwebs, yank out the trees of paradise), which I am not happy about. THIS is why I don't own a house yet....

BUT I am very thankful that I have some really great friends to take care of the pup while I'm off on my travels. The dog hasn't been NEARLY as neglected as the house... At this point, I think Bandit considers them family, and they've started referring to themselves as Aunt Susan and Uncle Jim. And their pack of 3 female golden retrievers we refer to as Bandit's harem. :) They spoil him (tuna, lamb, potatoes from the garden, leftover minestrone soup) and have threatened to trade me for one of theirs because they love him so much. And our payment arrangement?? I bring Jim beer back from wherever I've gone (lately it's been McMenamins since my travels have taken me to OR). But really, what's one more golden when you've already got three? He fits right in.

SOOOO... since I've acquired a new obsession thanks to this weekend's festivities down in the quaint, very Republican community of Sweet Home, OR, I thought I'd recount my weekend activities with all three of you that read my random thoughts and rants. ;-)

My newly hitched bestie (Harmony) and I planned this weekend back in March this year. Apparently I am the only other friend of hers that appreciates country music as much as she does, so we decided to make it a countryfied girls weekend. :)



BEER GARDEN! And Harms was soooo proud of her Tammi Taylor sunglasses. :)



We had a great time camping and met a couple interesting folks... There was a group of about 30 camping right near us. We introduced ourselves, but they were clearly not interested in anything other than getting sh*t faced and passing out, which we were more than OK with letting them do. We also hit up a private little spot along Foster Lake and spent most of Saturday soaking up the sun, floating in the very pleasant water, and nearly getting clipped by passing boats (it was the PERFECT Saturday, actually). And we planned out some awesome gourmet camping meals (mushroom and onion egg white scramble on english muffin with Tilamook white cheddar cheese.... Mmmmmmmmmmmm).

As for the festival, it was way too regimented for our liking. Way too many rules. We kept getting told we couldn't stand here, couldn't dance there... it was so frustrating. And NOBODY danced. Everybody just copped a squat in their camping chairs and stayed there. But not Harms and I... when everybody left after Lady A on Saturday, we took up nearly the entire sitting area and danced our little hearts out. With nobody to tell us no... :) It was awesome. Anyway, after being fed up with all the rules, the last day H$ and I said f*ck it and stuffed mini alcohols down our shirts (we found it was easy enough to get them past the metal detectors. Yes, I said metal detectors) and proceeded to have our own little rebelious party.

As we rebelled, I was introduced to my new musical obsession: Christian Kane.

If in your youth you ever watched "Angel" (the spin off to Sarah Michelle Geller's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"), and remember the sleezy turned sexy attorney Lindsey McDonald, or you watch his current show "Leverage" on TNT, well this is his band and they are AWESOME! Seriously. I never buy CDs anymore, especially not actually at a concert, but I did this time and we listened to it on repeat all the way home (it's been on repeat in my car every since. And t'll probably stay that way for quite a few weeks, too). :)

All in all, it was a great weekend. Got to hang out with my girl, Harms, and enjoy some awesome music.

I can't wait for our next adventure.