It all happens at once...

1. I was in the hospital 2 weeks ago for something called Idiopathic Thrombocytopenia. Basically really low platelets for no apparent reason. I'm on the mend, but the mend requires steroids. They suck in more ways than I can mention, but I have noticed that I'm much more decisive. Now I don't know if that's from the steroids, but I like that I know what I want and am more confident and assertive in making it happen. On the other hand, that means I'm always thinking about something and sleep is not so easy to come by these days. And I'm jittery, which I don't like....

2. I'm moving into my friend's house for a year while he's going to be on the front lines in Afghanistan. Yeah.... scary. It a really interesting situation, since I have to pack up all his stuff and my stuff, and clean both his place before moving in and my old place after moving out. All in a week. It's going to be intense, but I'm confident that's it's doable with some help. I am pretty excited for having a real house to live in though. I've already started thinking about how I'm going to decorate, what improvements I'm going to do, etc.

3. My sister is going to through some pretty rough stuff right now. I'm going home for Christmas for the first time in 3 years, and it's going to be a very emotionally charged visit. I do feel it's going to mend some broken bridges though. My sister and I haven't been the best of friends for quite a few years, and I really miss her. Even though I'm 10 years younger than she is and she might think I know nothing about what she's going through, I really think she needs all the support she can get right now, and I'm more than willing to be whatever she needs. I actually can't wait to see what kind of relationship we develop out of this.

So we'll see how life unravels in the next few weeks. Busy days ahead...

Starting anew...

I've always been very reluctant to just write a person off. I'm constantly forgiving and giving people the benefit of the doubt and expecting the same in return. But sometimes a relationship is just unsalvagable....

Last week I ended a friendship. I've actully been searching for the strength to end it and walk away for a while now, but recent events in our relationship made the decision easy and surprisingly unemotional. I actually didn't even make it. He did. And I am so relieved. I was relieved the moment I knew it was over. I can finally breathe...

To say it simply, our relationship was toxic. It wasn't always that way, or maybe I just didn't notice it right away. I was aware, however, that I wasn't myself around him. I was irrational and emotional and rarely happy. I was also consumed by hatred for his girlfriend whenever I was around him (or her). Now, I get along with most everyone. Rarely do I not. But this girl, from the very beginning, rubbed me wrong. So when he told me something about their relationship that I should never have known, I hated him too for putting me in that position. He said it was because he "needed a friend", all along knowing how much I despised her. I wanted to be his friend, but I just couldn't "that" friend. And thus this piece of information was the final breaking point of our relationship.

Now, a few days later, the transformation is incredible. I am the confident, sexy, independent woman I was before this whole roller coaster began. I am happy and learning to just let things go. Now, I can move on and become whole again.