Poo. Crap. Duece.

**Disclaimer - if you're a wuss about natural bodily functions, well... then I'm not exactly sure how we're friends.**

Poop.



This is actually a label I made (thanks to my Mr. Labelmaker) and have displayed on my desk at work. Poop is funny!

Why is it so taboo to talk about poop?

It's just poop! We all do it. Can't really avoid it (unless you live on sugar water, in which case, you have other, more serious issues. Like you're probably a diabetic. Or a butterfly).

Some folks will wait until the bathroom is completely empty before letting one go (for fear the super judgemental people in this world will...what? Judge you? *gasp!*).

Or what about the people that avoid pooping in public restrooms altogether and will instead go all the way home to do it in private. What if you're out somewhere and you REALLY have to go and you're nowhere near a safe, private toilet, and there's a line for the restroom 20+ people deep and there's no way you can get in and out without anyone seeing or hearing you? What then?

What about the phantom poopers who are never seen going to the bathroom EVER, but will leave a little gift for the next user. Those are the BEST.

But then there are those incredibly uninhibited poopers that just don't give a flying rat's ass. All conversations with these people eventually digress to talking about poop. Individuals that actually have classifications for the different "types" of poops.

For example:

- The Holy Sh*t - a poo that is SO big you just have to take a picture for documentation and gloating purposes (usually these people send this photo off in a text to their friends, beaming with a sense of accomplishment).

- The No-Wiper - On the last day of summer vacation, after you've had your last "real" meal (before the school cafeteria sludge begins) - the planets align and everything comes out solid and you're left completely wipe free.

The rarest kind are the battle sh*tters that actually revel in the thrill of making everyone else gag from the sound and smell of their triumph on the porcelain throne.

Admit it - you wish you had someone to battle against.

;-)

-slr

Fond memories

I've found myself thinking about my grandma today (for no specific reason), and what an incredibly amazing woman she was. I'm always telling people that her favorite saying was "If you rest, you rust." Wiser words were never spoken and I can only hope that when I'm old and wrinkly that I'm even half as determined and full of life as she was when she passed away more than 15 years ago.

Some of my favorite memories are of bringing stray or wounded animals home with me and taking them to her to fix them up (mom and I lived right next door. It was like the best thing ever). She was a Registered Nurse during one of the wars (not sure which - she was old and I was young so at the time I thought it was probably one or both of the World Wars), so for me as a 6 or 7 year old that meant that she could fix anyone or anything that was sick. And all those animals (Mostly cats. There was one squirrel) would then hang around after she had done her medicinal magic (which usually consisted of a little H2O2 on a cotton ball to whatever ailed them (because that shiz cures EVERYTHING!) and a little TLC.) The best part is they would trail behind her when she walked down the street to a friend's house and wait for her in the yard until she came out. On days when I wanted MY cats to do the same thing (who, btw, absolutely LOVED her and only tolerated me), I would drag one of my 2-4 cats down the street on a leash hoping they would finally see that I was just as cool as she was. After a few years of that, I eventually gave up the hopes and dreams of having a harem of felines willingly following me everywhere like my grandmother and the Egyptians.

She would also get me ready for school every day. She would sing me awake and make me toasted PBJ sandwiches cut into quarters for breakfast EVERY morning. And then she would walk me to the bus stop (her harem stayed behind so as not to encourage me and my fragile psyche). She would wait with me and my friends until we were picked up for school, and then of course she would be there in the afternoon to pick me up.

Every. Day.

She was also the reason I made it through 10 years of piano lessons as a kid.

My grandma taught herself how to play the piano as a kid using her lunch money to buy sheet music. She was so good that she could play ANYTHING on the piano (or the organ) after listening to it just once (seriously. Anything) and I always insisted that she play something before and after I practiced (I always practiced at her house because I couldn't be trusted to do it at home. Hello? I was 7). I was mesmerized watching her fingers glide over the keys with the most amazing precision, just barely touching each one as she played. One of my favorites was this little gem...

I cry when I hear this song. I can see her at the piano and hear her singing the words (in her shaky old lady voice) and I think of how lucky I was to have her (living right next door!) for as long as I did.

The Great Bandido!

I had such a wonderful weekend in the Dub Dub - filled with the bestest of friends, side-splitting laughs, some very tasty fried pickles, Whitman baseball, crazy hair salon antics, my favoritest 1-year-old (who is now walking!!), and of course, LOTS of wine. 9 bottles to be exact. :-)

I also left the Bandido in Walla Walla to spend a few weeks with my friend, Kent, until I'm there again next month... just because he missed him oh so much. LOL! It's so cute that he has a little bromance with my dog.

I can't really blame him, though. He really is just about the best dog ever.



I mean just LOOK at what he puts up with!!!

The budding bromance of Kent and Bandit...

Just before last Memorial Day weekend last year I was panicked looking for a dog sitter - mine had double booked herself and the kennel was full, and I was leaving for AZ in two days! Kent, being the gracious and talented eavesdropper that he is, overheard me and said he was going camping, but that he would take him only as long as he wasn't a whiney, wimp of a dog.

Although Bandit didn't do so well with the first impressions (he doesn't like to be watched while he drinks and made Kent sit in the truck with the door closed), he quickly won Kent over...

During one of their morning walks, Bandit was bounding through the field and trees, chasing a rabbit or squirrel or the whatever, got distracted and caught his ear on a barbed wire fence (Kent texted me a picture and I just about died laughing. Bandit was getting a "this is not your backyard camping trip" education). It was a big enough gouge that Kent decided it needed "minor surgery" (aka cut it off with his pocket knife). Of course Bandit's like "Dude, that kinda hurts, but it's cool, cuz we're camping!!" at which point Kent was like "Alright, I guess this dog is kinda cool".

And then there was the Gracie incident... Kent's mom, Joyce, has a Spaniel of sorts, Gracie, and they were all on this camping trip too. Well, Gracie is a runner. If she's let off lease, she'll bolt and be all like "See ya suckers!" Well, at some point during the weekend, Gracie found her moment and took off, with Kent and Bandit running after her. At one point Kent stopped, looked Bandit right in the eye, told him to "go get 'er!" and Bandit all but saluted Kent, more than happy to do his part retrieving his new girlfriend. According to the story, he rounded Gracie up like cattle, blocking her way if she tried to move, and wouldn't let her go anywhere until his favoritest person ever, Kent, got there. :-)

And then Kent leashed Gracie to Bandit for the rest of the weekend, and she was mortified.

Kent also taught him how to jump off the dock into the lake like a real dog (as opposed to slowly and awkwardly falling in) and to not bark or whine while left alone in the the truck bed.

And they discovered the endless entertainment factor that comes with his weird fettish for towels (he'll gently take it right off your head, drag it a few yards away, and then roll around with it) and chasing flashlights.

Needless to say, I'm fairly certain Kent and Bandit will have a blast together. I will definitely miss him, but I'm excited to take advantage of this dog-free freedom!

Happy hour anyone?